The Power Of Vulnerability

Most of us encounter vulnerability in various forms, and its significance differs for each person and likely depends on our relationship with each person we meet. Research indicates that vulnerability is the first trait we seek in others to establish connections; yet, it's the last thing we're willing to reveal.

Brené Brown, a renowned researcher on vulnerability, states, "Vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity, and change." This highlights how crucial vulnerability is to forming deep connections and fostering personal growth.

Connection is a fundamental human need, and vulnerability is its driving force. How can we function without vulnerability if it's intrinsic to our nature? However, many of us struggle to be vulnerable. Why? Like with many things that try to keep us from being true ourselves, the answer is fear. 

So what do we fear? It turns out, that there's a host of fears including:

• Failure
• Judgement
• Loneliness
• Criticism
• Disappointment
• Misunderstanding
• Intimacy
• Rejection

Living in your truth and being your authentic self is often what people fear and resist the most. It’s the fear of what people close to us will think – what if they don't accept us? What happens to us then? This often merges with the path of self-worth and what we believe about ourselves. 

Our lives then become predicated on what others think of us and we do everything we can do live up to these expectations, without ever knowing the standard they hold of us in their mind. Our core believes and values such as low self-worth can lead us to feel low moods, anxieties and worry, which then leads us to emotional suffering. Quite often we then see the physical or psychosomatic symptoms; illness and dis-ease in the body. Dr. Gabor Maté, an expert in trauma and addiction, explains, "the body is a mirror to the mind." This shows the impact of unresolved emotional pain on physical health.

It might seem exaggerated, but ample research supports that prolonged emotional distress can lead to physical illnesses. It all starts in the mind. Our thoughts, often repetitive and negative, are closely monitored by our brain. When a thought is frequently repeated with intense emotion, it creates a detrimental impact on our physical health. Hence, it's crucial not to avoid pain but to confront it, allowing it to teach us its intended lessons. Ignoring pain disrupts its natural process, creating unnecessary obstacles and illness. 

We have two choices: repress the pain, maintaining a facade of perfection to please others, or embrace our truth with self-love. Expressing your feelings is challenging but achievable when you understand your emotions and love yourself.

Many people struggle with the fear of abandonment or rejection which stems from early childhood. If you struggle to trust others, are sensitive to feedback, find it hard to make friends or become overly attached, you may have this fear. Overcompensating to ensure others' happiness, seeking acceptance and avoiding rejection can lead to unhealthy relationships.

We all fear being left behind or ignored, leading to overcompensation or difficulty saying 'no.' Many aren't consciously aware of this fear, causing confusion about whether the problem lies with them or others, making it hard to ask for help. Some people engage deeply with everyone they meet, becoming anxious or angry when faced with dishonesty or withdrawal. Others, learning from rejection, find it safer not to care, assuming everyone will leave and avoiding deep connections. This duality might seem contradictory—being authentic without letting external factors dictate you, yet avoiding closeness due to fear. Both are driven by fear; one internally, the other externally.

Be your own reason to smile... 

How you treat and love yourself sets the standard for how others treat and love you. Vulnerability becomes significantly easier when you love yourself. Without self-love, fear obstructs your authentic brilliance, widening the gap between you and vulnerability. Accepting and loving your true self diminishes concerns about others' opinions, reducing fears of rejection, judgement, or criticism. Brené Brown also asserts, "owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing we’ll ever do."

Fears can become self-fulfilling prophecies and worrying is akin to praying for what you don't want. Vulnerability requires practice. It's a conscious decision to be made gradually. Embracing the freedom of not caring about others' opinions is powerful, albeit difficult. True freedom lies in not worrying about what others think or say about you. Who knows, maybe the will respect you more and even share similar views!

The courage to be vulnerable can transform our lives; the rewards of vulnerability are immense. Allow yourself a moment to think how different and free your life would be if you did not care so much about what people think about you. Imagine being free to do the things you want to; to dress how you want to, to look how you wish and express yourself knowing that the only person you truly need to impress is yourself...

Practising vulnerability fosters true connection, self-love and attracts people inspired by your openness. Allowing yourself to be true, vulnerable and authentic paves the way for the life you deserve to have.