In modern life, stress has become an unwelcome companion for many of us. Stress affects our minds, bodies and overall wellbeing to degrees that make us uncomfortable to think about. It impacts all of us for different reasons and in different ways and is something we all agree we would rather be without. Stress doesn't discriminate either; it affects people from all walks of life, irrespective of age, gender or social status. Many say money or greed is the worst evil, however I’d like to take a moment to place stress high up on that list as a contender.
Stress, in its simplest definition, is the body's response to any emotional or physical demand or threat. It's a survival mechanism that takes over when we perceive danger or feel overwhelmed by life's challenges; it’s a mechanism that developed in our primitive, or caveman, brain. By its nature, stress is a protective reaction which we have carried through our evolution and applied to our modern-day lives, which we now perceive to be demanding and threatening. Many of us have become accustomed to experiencing stress several times a day, to unnecessary (and non-life threatening) triggers such as busy careers, finances, family relationships and even social media.
Chronic stress can alter the structure and function of the brain particularly the areas responsible for memory, learning and emotional regulation, which can have profound implications for our cognitive abilities and mental wellbeing. Alongside this, prolonged exposure to stress hormones can lead to a range of health issues, including high blood pressure, weakened immune systems, increased risk of various disease & cancers and even contribute to the development of mental health such as anxiety and depression. Moreover, stress can cause us to form unhealthy habits such as comfort eating or drinking to relieve stress.
In addition to its impact on physical health, stress can also impact the quality of our relationships – with ourselves and with others. When we're under constant pressure, we may become irritable, withdrawn or emotionally distant, straining our bonds with family, friends and colleagues. As Dr. John Gottman emphasises, "stress is a major enemy of intimate connection. It erodes empathy and understanding, replacing them with defensiveness and resentment."
The impact of stress on a young mind and body cannot be underestimated either; there are numerous long-term studies which show how detrimental stress to a young child can be. Dr. Gabor Maté, an addiction expert, talks about stress and highlights its connection to childhood experiences such as trauma, neglect and abuse and how this can leave a lasting imprint on the developing brain, predisposing individuals to heightened stress reactivity later in life. Such stress and trauma can have long-standing implications too often spanning into adulthood, and when untreated can manifest as harmful behavioural or substance addiction. You can read more about complex trauma here.
Given all of the ways stress impacts us, how do we overcome it? The easy answer would be to avoid it altogether, if we could. However, that’s an unrealistic solution and does not support us in our personal growth and development as we go through life.
It is important to take a moment to think about why we often stress about things that have not happened yet. We can stress about things that are long into the future and many weeks or months away, and also about things that are imminently going to happen. The truth is that things will happen no matter how much or how little we worry, and if this is the case, is there any point in stressing over them at all? The simple answer is no, however, some of us cannot help but feel stress or anxiety as a natural part of our being. When this happens, there are a number of personal attributes we can foster and build upon to combat our mental and emotional mindset to stress.
Firstly, and most importantly, we must treat ourselves with kindness and understanding, especially in times of stress. By practicing self-compassion, we can better understand ourselves and why or even where we feel stress. If we learn our triggers, we can prepare and find healthier ways of coping, or even learning where in the body we store emotions like stress and can work to release them.
Building resilience is key to getting through stressful situations, without feeling the heavy impact of stress. It can be helpful to view stress as a potential catalyst for growth rather than a hindrance. By reframing our perception of stress and cultivating a resilient mindset, we can navigate life's challenges with greater ease and grace. Adopting a “can-do” attitude and standing tall in the face of stress or difficult circumstances can make tasks seem less daunting and more achievable. It also provides us with a sense of accomplishment when we do overcome such situations and it primes our ability to face similar circumstances in the future.
Furthermore, the importance of strong and loving connection to friends and family members during the time of stress and adversity cannot be underestimated. Dr. Sue Johnson, a clinical psychologist and relationship expert, emphasises the importance of emotional attunement and positive attachment in fostering resilient relationships. Having emotional support can help us to overcome life’s challenges together and emerge stronger as a unit of support and solidarity.
Another means of overcoming stress is to simply surrender to it. Of course, this is easier said than done. However, if you can welcome times of difficulty with understanding and acceptance and without taking it personally, after all, we all must face one kind of adversity or another (such is life), then this can help reduce the weight of stress. It takes far more energy to resist and try to control things than it does to surrender and allow things to be. This can make us uncomfortable at the thought, however stressful things will happen; worrying about them does not help them to go away. Accepting them as they are will help reduce reaction and limit our stress. As Rumi, the Sufi mystic, expresses, "surrender to the flow of life and you will find peace beyond understanding."
Finally, we should prioritise our self-care. Although, it’s worth mentioning that true self-care is contrary to how it is marketed or shown on social media; it is not always about treating ourselves to a new coat or indulging in our favourite treats. True self-care is about looking inwards, understanding us and meeting ourselves with loving kindness. Of course, sometimes this can be a day of relaxation or engaging in a hobby, however it can also be taking time to journal our feelings or practicing mindfulness. It can be sitting with ourselves as we question beliefs that no longer serve us or understanding more about situations or feelings that make us uncomfortable; sometimes it’s about leaning into the resistance to understand the real us.
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